Many years ago, when I listened to Beyonce’s song titled “The best thing I never had” I picked up the line “I found the Good in goodbye” since then I concluded that, definitely they are some good in goodbye. While we might want to doubt this, if we check very well, we might just find some positivity in our break up.
With that introduction, I Officially welcome you to Real Talk With TEE and wishing you a happy new month. I obviously wouldn’t have asked for a better audience than you guys.
It’s darn-near impossible to find a silver lining in a breakup. It’s even more of a challenge to think positive thoughts when you’re the one who got dumped. In my own opinion as a guy, I love giving the ladies the chance and the opportunity to break up with me, reason is because I don’t have the tendencies to give up on people easily, I can be really patient to a fault and also overlook a lot of things, hence why I usually tell ladies “Na you go break up with me last last”. When I say that word is because I believe I can stand a lady’s bad and worse state especially when I am in love with them, but it happens that I haven’t really been lucky with ladies that can take shit from me. Any little shit, they back out. (Smile)
Well, it is not totally a bad thing from the angle I am looking at it from. Maybe you are like me and you are feeling bad from your last break up, please don’t dwell on it. if you give yourself time and dig deep enough inward, you’re bound to discover that the breakup wasn’t for nothing. Sure, things may not have gone exactly as you’d planned, but at least now you have a better understanding of what you want — and categorically what you don’t want — in your next relationship. And lastly, I realize there is wisdom to be gained from being broken up with.
Here are some of the lessons I’ve begun to learn or I have learnt from my previous relationships that didn’t work. You might or will be going through break up right now, you just might need this. Before you start thinking I am a superman, know that it won’t be easy, but that by moving through this chapter in your life you’ll learn to appreciate what you already have in your life with or without your relationship. For me, I am finding I have much more energy for my friends, family and career, which I find to be extremely rewarding in a way my past relationship wasn’t.
Moving On Doesn’t Have to Be Long & Hard.
One thing I realized is that being the person on the receiving end of a breakup can allow you to move on more quickly. Sometimes when you break up with someone, you can hold onto feelings of guilt that you might have made the wrong decision or that you are losing your only chance at love. When someone makes the decision to break up for you, you are no longer allowed to change your mind. You must move forward, the quicker the better- not meaning you need to start dating right away, but the healing process begins quickly, allowing you to start your new life with ease. Even if you are the one that messes up in the relationship, forgive yourself and move one. I am so quick to forgiving myself after admitting my fault or the roles I played that led to the breakup.
My Actions also Affect Others.
Because this blog is about being real, I promise to always say it the way it is. I wasn’t all that good in my past relationship(s), In fact, I knew some of the things I did that I wasn’t supposed to do. One of the hardest things I learnt post being broken up with was that, even though I felt pressure in my relationship, it didn’t mean that my actions weren’t going to deeply affect my girlfriend or that she didn’t care about me and love me. Oftentimes when you are broken up with it is because your life has become too self-centred causing you to lack the ability to offer full respect and effort to your relationship.
If you’ve been broken up reflect on your life during the months leading up to the break-up and see if you couldn’t have made better decisions, been more open or offered more to the relationship. Don’t feel bad about yourself or harness guilt, but take note for when you decide to enter a relationship and experience great love again. It is always about what have you learnt?
Forgiving is strength
We all would love to show our greatness to our ex and make them lament over leaving us. I’ve passed this phase too. My question is, “Why?” Simply forgive them and move on, it’s a sign of strength. Forgiving is a strength. Not everyone can forgive, it requires lots of courage and maturity to grow beyond silly manifestations of greatness. Trust me – you gain everything by forgiving them. If you can, stay friends with them, be in touch, but it depends on them largely. I have had some mature Ex (es) and obviously some immature ones. I have also been Immature in some instances, but hey, forgive them still.
If there is one thing, I want you to remember in this article is that Love indeed last. When you’re broken up with, you will realize that a love that is strong will last even after a relationship ends (Talking from experience). Love exists even after terrible things happen and hearts are broken, but just because you are in love, doesn’t mean that you need to be with someone- especially if it is no longer healthy. Remember too that love lasts with or without a person to love. The love you seek is already available to you with or without a relationship.
Even so, embrace the feeling of love you shared with your ex. for me, I am always in touch provided they don’t have issues with it. In our memories, we can always access the beauty of our past. Hold on to that idea and then go on with your life. And try not to forget that you fell in love before so you certainly have all the capabilities within yourself to fall in love again. Time heals all and things always seem to work themselves out, especially if you are positive, happy and working on yourself.
“Las las you go dey Alright”
No seriously, I promise you no matter how or why things ended, you are a human being with the ability to grow and change. It doesn’t matter how things went down. With self-reflection and a healthy attitude towards your future, you go sha dey alright las las. Kick your self-love into full gear and look forward to a future filled with healthier relationships and a wiser approach to life. Life is not really as hard as it appears. This has been my philosophy, and it has been working.
NOTE: After your break up, never shut the door to your heart for love or opportunity to be loved, if you do, you are allowing your past to deal with your present, which will in turn deal with your future.
If you think I made sense, Oya drop a comment and contributions. What have you learnt from your past relationships?