If there is one thing my coming to Enugu State has taught me over time, it will be that, people are totally different in all forms and ways. When guys conclude that ladies are all the same or when ladies conclude that guys are scum, I sincerely don’t understand what they meant by that. Maybe, some ladies or some guys are the same, but generalizing ladies or guys is what I don’t really appreciate.
Before I go ahead to share my thoughts with you guys, let me use this medium to welcome you once again to Real Talk with Tee. I hope you will make visiting this column a habit every Friday of the week. Please do.
Back to the Koko of the matter. When I was coming to Enugu State for my National Youth Service, I have one goal, “Stay away from intimate relationships”. And somehow, I achieved that in my three weeks in camp, but on leaving camp, I realized that holding on to that thought will be that I am giving up on relationship and love by closing my heart from the possibility of a relationship, which is something I have been advocating against. So, I changed that mindset and accepted that I will give love a chance, and of course, with the help of some few friends, I did give love a chance. While I don’t want to go into details now for the sole reason of respecting the party involves. I am writing this for me and for you, yes you! Perhaps you will read this and understand the way I think.
I have spent almost 7 months in Enugu state and I have learned that there are no truer words spoken than those from the mouth of a person who says they do not want to be in a relationship with you. Despite the feelings, cute actions and the possibility of a love that could grow with someone like this, it is pointless to look for a future with them. Because this person will break your heart and you’ll be confused for a really long time if you don’t stick up for yourself. There’s no getting around someone’s inner desires, and no matter how extraordinary of a person you are, you can’t and won’t ever be able to compete with someone’s truth. I believe we can meet people who transform our lives and show us what’s possible for love and relationships but sometimes the reality is, that person might just not be the one. Accept it, cry if you have to, but accept this harsh reality and move on.
The person who loves you, values you, and sees your worth will either commit or set you free. If the person decided not to commit to you, if you value yourself, you’ll go with the option of setting yourself free. Release yourself from limbo, wanting to be chosen, and desiring to be desired by someone who isn’t capable. It sucks Time, energy, trust, faith and love. However, chances are more time and energy will be wasted if you don’t step up and pull the plug on the whole relationship.
Another thing that is probably still making you hold on to them is the thought that one day, someday, maybe, this person will want to be in a relationship with you. But what happens until then? Will you close yourself off from others emotionally? Will you align yourself with someone who doesn’t want a future with you. What does that mean exactly? Does it mean you are loyal? You’re patient? You’re delusional? Hiding from yourself? Or Selling out on yourself? Which of those answers resonate with you?
If there is one thing, I will love to tell you in this first episode of Real Talk With Tee is that you should learn to choose yourself before anyone else can choose you. Treat yourself the way you want to be treated. Come to think of it, do you know what happens when you wait for someone who won’t commit to you? They take you for granted because you will settle for their scraps. They give you any old thing and any old lines and any old behavior because they know you’ll take it. They will disrespect you but hide it under the guise of self-preservation and you’ll go along with it. Each time you accept something that you know is not okay, you allow that behavior to continue and you dig yourself further into pain.
Get out. Get away. Leave. Choose yourself.